Let's Go Green!: Backwards and forwards

When I look back now in retrospect to the weeks leading up to mocks, right after my second Evaluation Exam, I can only say that for awhile back there, exams and friends overtook God in my life. Actually it was mostly exams. I went to church every week and not a single mass went by without my praying for greater concentration, higher productivity or better marks. Not a single mass, I kid you not. I had a teacher who once told my class that the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning, that thing becomes your God. And for those weeks, I wake up every morning thinking of one thing – study. Sure, I thought of it in a tone of “*sigh* Study today. *double sigh*” but it didn’t matter because the fact is, I made the tasks my priority instead of God.

It wasn’t that I was turning into a scary kiasu student – no, I was far from that – but it was just that getting higher marks suddenly became well, a sort of prerequisite, a necessity, a requirement, something essential. And for what reason, I honestly have no idea.

There is a cycle in this. It all began with us being happy go lucky. A few marks lost? Sure, it’s just a bit. We have more tasks to come. Then it gets scary. Damn. I only have a few more tasks left. Better get ready. The last task before mocks? No much chance left to boost our internal marks, man… PIA!!! And when mocks came? I’m just tired. Here. Take all the marks you want from me. TAKE IT. I DON’T CARE.

Mocks really turned me into somebody different. And the worst part was that I thought it was normal. But it only took me a day right after mocks to snap out of all that madness. Suddenly life began to make sense again after I stopped thinking about books, economics and differentiations. I felt ten years younger. I drank coke and I was ecstatic. Because I drank coke. I know right.

And thus I made a resolution. I vowed to not study at all for that one week of break. Honestly I have never been so successful in any of my resolutions! LOL.

I went out to shop for several days in a row. I had a decent and absolutely non-productive chat with Abby about the origins of velvet, of which I still can’t decide if velvet is synthetic or if it comes from a velvet tree or velvet worms. I’d gotten lost leading Abby to Pavillion, rode on the LRT in the wrong direction for the second time in my life thanks to Abby, walked under the rain, bonded with the Monash security guard (LOL), drank cocktails, saw Yeong Yeong in a dress (totally worth my paying RM 110 to go to AUSMAT Night!) and met up with Anne Sim! Oh, and watched a lot of movies in the midst of all that. In short, I had the most amazing week. Even though I got sick sometime in between, but that did not ruin the mood at all.

I know the external exam is coming but I think there really isn’t any point in putting so much pressure on ourselves. And all I can think of right now is just that I only have two weeks left with my classmates before we’re off to our study break. And all I know is that when this is all over, my only regret would be that I didn’t get to know some of my friends close enough; that I’d missed building stronger friendships with these people.

I asked Abby the other day if it is really normal for people to just walk in and out of our lives like that, because keeping in touch is really tough to do. She didn’t give me an answer. I don’t want the answer to be “yes” but then again, some friends are only for a season. So maybe someday in the future, when I tell the story of my college life to my grandchildren, of the times I saw them drunk, of the times we hung out together, I will remember these amazing people that I’ve met. I just kinda wonder if I’ll have recollections of their older faces or whether they will remain just that – 19, without any wrinkles. Of which then I’ll probably say…

Damn. (: