A Painful Loss

I am now back in Kuching. My house is undergoing renovation and my computer has been infected with an annoying virus so... pictures shall be unavailable at the moment. My apologies. *mourn*

Anyway, the four days that I'd spent in Sibu were bittersweet. Our prayers didn't work. I can still remember quite vividly what had happened during 25th July 2008 in SMK Sacred Heart, Sibu.

That morning, we'd woken up super early to get ready. Kim and Francoise were up even earlier - they were already sitting on our beds before anyone of us could get off it (and they were staying 2 floors away!). Amanda too, surprisingly managed to get up without us having to yell at her that particular morning. So we quickly used the bathroom and rushed down for our breakfast. Most of the Miri people were already fully or partially dressed in their uniforms while all of us were err... still clad in shorts and t-shirts (that we had slept in =.=''). But teacher didn't allow us, especially me (accident-prone +_+''), to eat in our uniform.

So anyway, after we had eaten, we quickly got back up to our room to get dressed and to have our hair done. Once again, our foreheads were ready to blow you away~! =P I had actually left my hair just the way it was until teacher suddenly caught glimpse of my undone hair and said, "So obvious la! Everyone tie, you don't tie!". So... minutes before we were supposed to leave, I was seated in the lobby with teacher tying and spraying my hair. I had about 11 clips in my hair that day. o_o''

And then we were off to the competition site. We did some warming ups on the way there - some breathing and a complete and final rehearsal of the script. Then, we made a fool of ourselves when we'd reached Sacred Heart because we got locked outside. Lol! And we thought we wanted to save time by entering through the side gate, mana tahu they cun cun changed the padlock that morning and had difficulty letting us in. =.=''

But we managed anyway. =D PTL. We prayed before we entered the hall and then, the final moment began. We were the third team to perform, after Chung Hua Miri and Wira Penrissen. Miss Susie said 3 in Hebrew means Perfect. =) So we weren't discouraged.

When the first team went up to perform, I had started feeling nervous. I was, at first, paying attention to their script but then I stopped because I was so afraid that their script would penetrate my thoughts and mess up my performance later. Chung Hua Miri wasn't bad. They were "cute". When the second team was up, I got even more nervous. My palms had started sweating. I had to reread my lines in my head again just to make sure that everything was still ok. Pretty soon, we were up.

As we lined ourselves up, I could feel my heart beating hard. I hardly ever get nervous when I perform with a group of people and the times that I do - I normally don't perform very well. So as I walked, I had to tell myself to calm down and did some last minute prayer before we went up.

It was a great performance. We were synchronised in a way that I can never imagine. Our actions were so sharp and we all had smiled our best. We looked like angels in the video with the light shining at our baju kurungs. It was marvellous and brilliant. I knew that that was one of our good practice moments. But I guess... it just wasn't good enough - we'd lost.

When the announcement of the winners was going on, I could feel it - the anticipation. When the third place winner was announced and it wasn't us, I heaved a short sigh of relief before feeling all stiff again. Then, I felt this familiar feeling. I don't know why I'd felt it but I did - the feeling that we would get second. The feeling that despite knowing we'd done so well, we'd still get second... because things happen... But I tried to shake that feeling off. I was hoping hard that it would happen otherwise... because there were 35 of us! 35 prayers! 35 hopes! 35 people putting in their utmost efforts just for this competition. Surely that had to account for something! But noo... it just had to happen...

"Second place goes to... Bahagian.... Kuching!''

We froze. Our hearts fell in unison. Our hopes crushed. Our spirits shattered. I didn't know how to take it in. That was it - the end of our journey. Some broke into tears. I went numb. I could only muster up a sad smile. It was a painful loss. And then, some stupid idiot monkey aka baboon from the Miri team stood up, pointed at us and laughed in our faces. Gosh... dude, that sort of attitude will get you killed one day.

But we'd tried. We'd tried hard. We'd tried our best. We'd gone through so much and we'd made it that far. It's a shame that our journey had to end here. This loss is far more painful than all my other losses. It is the one loss that I had to choke back sadness whenever I think about it. Those intensive practices.... some of them were really not so pleasant. Having my name called and then having to keep smiling and pray and hope like mad that I wouldn't screw up another time... those were stressful moments. My body would stiffen and my eyes would be fixed at Angeline while my body felt like toppling over....

And so the sadness and disappointment.... ahhh.... we were only 1.5 marks away.... so close and yet... ahhhh..... sakit...... *mourn*